


The Room of Requirement

by TheTimelessChild0



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bladdershy Snape, Crack, Desperation, Friendship, Good Lucius Malfoy, Pre-Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, Urination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:41:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26318110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTimelessChild0/pseuds/TheTimelessChild0
Summary: Also known as the Come andGoroom.
Kudos: 9





	The Room of Requirement

Snape and Malfoy were in Flourish and Blotts, picking up a few books for Fudge. 

“Why is it so critical that we do the Minister’s bidding right this instance?” Severus queried as they started peering at the shelves for the right category. 

“Because he’ll have both our heads if we make him look uneducated in front of the Vampires on Tuesday, Severus..you know this,” Lucius shook his head. As nitpicky as the Potions master was in front of his students; when it came to bureaucracy, it seemed that the hawkeyed man saw the whole staff fit to be replaced, according to his unrealistic standards. 

They were looking for a book Newton Scamander had written on the subject, when Lucius thought he heard a rustling from behind him. He turned around. There were none around, besides his fellow Slytherin. 

He noted, that Snape seemed to be rifling through the books with more intensity than before. He mused at how the same wizard who’d get sick from not eating for _days_ , while working in his lab, got bored in a bookshop after only 5 minutes. 

Snape subtly bounced on his feet until the feeling subsided. This was why he hated errands. While he didn’t like his odds at shifting without being heard, it was that or crossing his legs. And he could’ve sworn he heard the slight swish of a cane from Malfoy turning around. 

_Okay, now I_ _know_ _I’m not imagining it._ Lucius rose an eyebrow. The rustling had returned. He turned around again, more subtly this time. That’s when he spotted it. It was small, but he could just about see the back of Severus’ robes folding as the professor seemed to be shuffling in place. 

He narrowed his eyes. “Are you alright, Severus?” he asked quietly. 

“Yes, of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” Snape assured him. 

Malfoy dismissed it for the time being. Snape was a man of few words, and that was when he felt social enough to open his mouth in the first place. 

He held his book in one hand as he suddenly heard another noise. The floor creaking repeatedly. 

Severus was usually towering over the wizards surrounding him, except in this circumstance, where Lucius was several inches taller. Because of this, Lucius could clearly see the younger man hunched over with his hands in his pockets.

“Pardon me, Prince, but...what on _earth_ are you doing?”

_Bloody hell_ , the Professor fretted. Of course, he had to be interrogated about his predicament through his family name. It was awkward enough without it. 

“I have told you a million times not to utter that name in my presence Malfoy! You _know_ how much she mattered to me,” he hissed, straightening.

Lucius rolled his eyes. Whatever was the matter with the man hadn’t stifled his snappy repertoire. 

“I apologize, Sev, now would you please tell me what is distressing you so?” Malfoy inquired. 

“Did your hair get in your eyes or something? I was peering at the titles, nothing more,” Snape claimed.

“How curious. I would’ve thought you had enough experience with lying to tell a more convincing one,” Lucius rejected the fib immediately.

Severus levelled his most threatening glare at his friend, who stared back with concern.

“I heard the floor creaking. You’re behaving restlessly,” he pointed out.

“Yes, well this store is tremendously _dull_ ; as it has always been and will always be,” Snape spun around, crossing his legs in such a way that the tip of his shoe stuck out, hopefully distracting from this pose more than even his billowy robes could.

Lucius narrowed his eyes, but turned around himself. _Strange_ , he mused. Since when was the man this dramatic? 

Severus continued to peruse, eventually tapping his foot subtly. Well, he thought he was being subtle. Malfoy frowned at the noise.

He was about to give him a remark about patience, when he heard yet another sound. A fist on wood. Snape was resisting the highly insistent prodding of his bladder, as well as the urge to bend over.

The grunt sealed the doubt in Lucius. 

  
“Do you need to use the lavatory, Severus?” he checked, relatively confident in the answer.

Snape closed his eyes and blushed. 

“It’s no bother, we’ll find what we came here for and depart shortly,” Snape insisted.

“Oh, bollocks, you stubborn old bat. Merlin’s beard, you’re positively petrified,” Malfoy held his shoulder.

“Come on, it’s just upstairs,” he began leading the Potions Master.

“I apologize, Lucius, I know this is ridiculous,” Severus remarked. “Not to mention utterly undignified,”

“Now, now, no sense crying over milk _before_ it is spilt,” Malfoy reassured him.

* * * * * *

As they approached the door, Snape realised how close it was to the bustling buzzing of the shop’s patrons.

“Mm...no. I can’t,” he suddenly objected.

“Why not?” Malfoy tilted his head. 

“Too close to the people, too public. I can hear them, which means they can hear _me_ ,” Severus explained.

“Well, that’s preposterous. But, I suppose not to you...I can stand guard if you like. Make some space?” Lucius offered.

“No, that won’t help. Of this I am certain,” Snape rejected the idea.

“Alright get in, I have a better plan,” the elder nudged him forward.

Malfoy picked his wand out of his cane, and waved it in front of him and Severus.

“You can’t hear them, they can’t hear you,” he sighed triumphantly.

“You can hear me,” Sev sneered.

“Yes, and I have taken that into consideration, now _go_ on,” Lucius encouraged.

Snape entered the cubicle furthest from his friend.

“This isn’t going to work,” he muttered, unzipping. 

When Malfoy was sure Snape was properly placed, he replied:

  
“What, the same way that fool Finnegan’s potions never work?”

“Oh, don’t get me started on him; I cannot fathom how it is humanly possible to accidentally add explosives every time, no matter what part of the ingredients cupboard he looks,” Severus snarked. A small trickle was starting. 

“Well, you don’t exactly keep them out of _reach_. Now, why would that be?” Lucius quipped. 

The stream stopped. 

“Perhaps it has something to do with an incident I recall involving Professor Sprout and a mock Mandrake,”

“For the last time, it is crucial to the process of potions making to familiarise oneself with the ingredients,” Snape snapped.

“And no one told you to take thirty points, instead of the recommended 15,” 

“You had double potions after. It was merely a _precaution_ ,” Lucius defended.

“Yes, seemed I’ve always had trouble with those,” Sev noted, smiling in relief as the stream gained strength.

“Now you _are_ being ridiculous. That’s an awful lot of fuss about prediction, out the mouth of a man who _failed_ Divination,” Malfoy reminded him. 

“Everyone fails Divination. It’s a con of a discipline,” Snape sneered, letting the silence rest.

He slid smoothly over to the sink once he’d finished.

“Lovely,” was the only thing he said as he swiftly scurried out of the facilities, lifting the sound ward behind him with a flick of his wand.

Lucius just nodded. He didn’t miss the subtle smirk on Snape’s face.

**The End.**


End file.
